help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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