omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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