She went from zero to smokin in five shots
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
We need to rekindle our bromance
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
