why didn't you poke me back
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
