the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
my vag is so smooth its legendary
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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