i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
