Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
