So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
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