I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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