the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
