i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
