I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
the room spins SO much faster in panama
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
