Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
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