Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Randomize
