When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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