I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
Found the puke drawer
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
Randomize
