She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
