I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
two words...techno handjob
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Randomize
