mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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