And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
