Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
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