i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
i would punch a child for taco bell
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
We are all done wearing pants today
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Randomize
