you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
