I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
