I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
And then my night got REAL pukey
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
