you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Randomize
