i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
Randomize
