Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Randomize
