Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
Randomize
