this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Randomize
