On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
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