I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
I just want nice things and good sex
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
I need a beard to bite.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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