Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
