$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Randomize
