What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
