At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
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