I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
