I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
