I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Randomize
