What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
