Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Randomize
