Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Randomize
