I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize