you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
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