i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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