I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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