I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
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