I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
