We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Randomize
