who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
Randomize
