Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Randomize
