That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
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