just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
Randomize
