i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize