a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
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