So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
