Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
you never un-have a 4some
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
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