I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
