Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Randomize
