Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Randomize
