Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Randomize
