DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
