Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Randomize
