If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
Randomize
