I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
This house was built for laser tag.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
Semen is not good for contacts.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
