i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
