So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
