Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
Randomize
