peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
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