Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Randomize
