just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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