How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
