Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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