I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
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