I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
