We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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