foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
Randomize
