Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
