North Korea, Best Korea!
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
