our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
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