So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
We have so much sex to catch up on
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
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