There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
i think im in europe. pls send help
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
