What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Randomize
