Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
