I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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