I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
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