I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
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