so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Randomize
